The secret to a long lasting marriage is synergy

I’ve learned the hard way that the death and cancer for any relationship, be it romantic, professional or otherwise, is resentment. It’s often something that arises quietly and without you noticing it … until it’s too late.

It seems some of us struggle with being honest about the expectations we have with each other. And those of us that do would rather stay quiet about them and just assume that our assumptions have been clearly outlined and understood by the other party, even though they never were. Take the relationship between a husband and wife. Or any such partnership where mutual cooperation and benefit is prescribed. Clearly, person A will likely have duties to perform for person B and vice versa. But when one of the parties fails to meet their expected responsibility to the other, resentment will gradually start to build and the relationship start to decay.

It’s like the difference between being useful vs being abused. If both members of a relationship “use” each other equally (and for a common aim) and in a manner they each want to be utilized, then this means a healthy balance is being maintained. If one gains from the other but gives little or insufficient in return, then the giver will, in time, feel like they are being abused or taken advantage of. And this is precisely when resentment starts to build and grow.

The word “use” might sound a bit cold and mechanical, but the way I see it, all relationships between modern humans are very much like the relationships between chemical compounds or elements on the periodic table. When a certain pair come together, a reaction is produced that can make the end result greater than the sum of the parts. Likewise, when the right people come together and form a bond, be it friendship, a business partnership or a loving spousal relationship, their union will react with one another to produce something new and hopefully far better and more far reaching than they ever could on their own. Sometimes, however, the reaction can be the opposite and create a very destructive reaction whereas in other instances there may be no reaction at all and the elements never bond and just remain seated beside each other with compatibility being absolutely absent. Obviously, (and in most cases) it would be preferable to have a reaction and a positive one.

This is why before entering into any relationship with another human being, you must know yourself and know what you bring to the table. But equally important to knowing yourself is to know what you need in a partner. When both people know this about themselves they will be able to find each other like two perfectly matching puzzle pieces and create a picture together that’s worth far more than a thousand words.

To a great extent similitude is as much a requirement as is harmonized differences. Both are equally important when seeking a partner. Essentially, a set of complimentary strengths and motivations.  Let’s take food as an example. One ideal match between a spousal partnership is for one to like to be cooked for and for the other to like to cook for others. This is how they differ in complimentary ways. But this is not enough. There must also be a similitude. And in this instance, diet would be the way in which they’d have to experience sameness in order to be compatible with each other. If the person that likes to cook is a vegetarian, then the person being cooked for must also be a vegetarian or at least be content with vegetarian food. The more ways in which you are complimentary in skill or calling, but similar in desired result, the better and more long lasting your bond will be with your partner.

The “whole” produced by your union must always be greater than the sum of the “parts”. The greater and more positive the reaction that comes from your union, the more eternal will your union be. In brief, find the right balance of similitude and difference in someone else and they are likely to be a great and long lasting partner.

Written by hcmehdi.com © 2017

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