Relationships between couples can sour or become toxic for many reasons. And unfortunately toxicity is preventable but rarely ever curable.
At a fundamental level I believe a healthy relationship is one where you each practice and perfect the art of pleasing the other. A toxic one is where one or both of you derive satisfaction from seeing the other suffer. Because when your partner wants you to suffer, then if you do your part in wanting to please your partner, you must then allow yourself to suffer so they are pleased with themselves. But this is horribly toxic because the very thing you are supposed to do for a good relationship is the same thing that is damaging it.
I think the best way to prevent yourself from getting into a relationship with someone like this is to force yourselves to have conversations on subjects you have vehement disagreements on. Maybe even play house and go out to do pretend-house-shopping. Do this during the courting season in your relationship. When you’ve been dating long enough to then be asking each other if marriage is the next step, be sure to put yourself through this. Ideally you will witness in your partner an openness to your views and you will have the same openness to his. If you are both made of equally softened clay, you will be able to grow together as a couple. If one is stone and the other is soft as butter, the stone will never change shape, trust me.
If it is too late and you’re already married with children, you’ll want to make yourself aware of the manipulation games they are playing and not participate. Instead of responding, stay silent and let their foul statements echo in their own head. When you get around to responding, be sure to not be retaliatory. That’s exactly what they want; to use your response as a source of energy and empower the toxicity they want to bring to the relationship. So instead, you need to remain unaffected and not allow yourself to get involved in their own emotional turmoil. “Misery loves company” the saying goes. So if your partner has a poison in their soul, they will do everything they can go contaminate you with it. This is all subconscious and fundamentally something they can only solve through their own spiritual discipline. You can’t fix it, but you must at least not feed into it.
So like a pond that doesn’t show a lump when a stone is dropped in it. You need to let your soul be fluid, move out of the way and let the ripples gracefully play themselves out and fade to nothingness.
Yes, this individual will be a great challenge to you, but you’ll grow immensely because of it. If you don’t have kids, however, it’s worthwhile considering getting out of such a relationship. And if you enjoy the suffering, then you’ve become toxic to your own self and that might be why you’ve brought someone like this into your life.
If she is depressed and he comes to her aid, bringing her afloat and even saving her from self-annihilation; then chances are he truly loves and needs her. If, on the other hand, he is down, depressed and dejected and this makes her feel angry at him, perhaps even threatened to the point of finding herself in retreat and looking for another man to bring her comfort; then chances are he is merely a place-holder and easily replaceable for her.
Principles aim to produce very deliberate and positive outcomes in the lives of people. Unity, for instance, is not a principle, because all manner of things can be united, good and bad. Be careful, then, of the principles you adopt, for they form the beginning and end of what you become.
There are winds that exert themselves and contest one with another within the realm of sentience. These exceed in number to those commonly defined as “good” and “evil.” Be mindful, then, of the way in which you orient your sails, for in the end, you may only be an agent serving at the behest of an even greater spirit than you.
Emotions can be amplified or diminished individually. If your sadness knob is turned up, you will only hear and see the things that make you sad; to the extent that even something small and insignificant becomes a source of great anguish. The task, then, is to act not according to your emotions, but according to your spiritual mandate … A lifting tide will give cause for boats, ships, trade and all manner of good things. A diminished tide, will expose the rocks and creatures hidden underneath. Take the water, that is your body, and bring it stillness and fullness that you may bear good fruit. ~ The Fractal Order – by HC Mehdi
If you would like to instill change in the world, focus your efforts on the things you wish to contribute rather than those things you’d like to take away from others.
It was centuries of human enslavement that placed such pressures on the human psyche that gave rise to religious thought and tradition. The notion of a God, that superseded their oppressive ruler, gave slaves agency to revolt and liberate themselves from the shackles that bound them for generations. Therefore, glance with distrust to anyone that seeks to remove you from your deity. But place even less trust in he whom uses your devotion to enslave you further. ~ The Fractal Order – by HC Mehdi
Love does not see fault, it sees pain! Therefore an excess of love will never serve justice. And an absence of it, will never address suffering. Emotions are lenses. Wear them well.
The longer a nation remains free from overbearing rules, the more diverse and integrated it’s populace will become. Much like the difference between a wild valley of flowers and a garden manicured by a gardener. Freedom discriminates on the basis of the individual whereas the gardener based on groups. Notice, then, that rule and order are not always what they present themselves to be.
The words you speak have magical abilities, this is why to write is also to spell. Take heed, then, of the sounds you utter. They send waves of intent that reverberate the space that binds us.