Borderline disorder refers to those showing signs of being on the edge of psychosis. As such they will at times behave perfectly normal, but at others exhibit completely abhorrent, self destructive and perversely paranoid behaviors. Every patient is different. For instance, some may fall into psychotic episodes once a year, while others may do so once a week. The triggers may vary but a common thread seems to be childhood trauma that has also become a core part of the patient’s identity. It is important to note, that the psychotic episodes are reserved only for someone in their inner circle and nobody else. Therefore, if someone, such as a mail person, were to knock on the door amidst a psychotic episode, the patient would be able to immediately regain their composure so as to give no indication to the outside world that there is anything wrong with them. For this reason, therapy is of no use to someone suffering from this condition.
Given the patient’s paranoic ability to imagine things, it’s also quite possible the childhood trauma, itself, has been fabricated in the patient’s own brain, or at the very least exaggerated. But even if the trauma is real, my hypothesis is that the patient’s attachment to it conveniently serves to help perpetuate the child-like behavior and a sense of entitled victim-hood which, with it, brings attention, resource, sympathy power and dominance over others.
From an evolutionary standpoint, therefore, it is quite possible that this condition isn’t one at all, but rather, a personality variant that emerged through evolutionary pressures like all others, so as to help safeguard itself and perpetuate its genes. Let’s remember, all things have learned the trick of survival from beautiful flowers to destructive viruses. Survival is good, but only to itself. Consequently, a heightened appetite for sex is also a common symptom of borderlines. The psychotic method of pair-bonding is quite effective at clutching itself to multiple mates, with enough time to produce offspring, extract resource and move onto other victims.
Those whom want to change this behavior in themselves can, but will need a loving partner willing to help them. Such a caregiver must be at once a romantic partner and also a parental custodian. As such, the helping lover will find himself faced with an individual claiming to love them ever so deeply but will repeatedly lie about their habits and behave in very unloving ways. Given the borderline personality’s need for pair-bonding but also simultaneously the need to be unfaithful, they have no way of carrying themselves honestly with anyone that comes near them, including those they claim to “love”. In fact, honesty is largely impossible for the borderline individual for their biology demands they have two diametrically opposed needs met. On the one hand they need an absolute and faithful bond with a partner and on the other, they must satisfy their sexual appetite and fear of abandonment by clutching onto many others simultaneously.
The intellect of the borderline generates all manner of excuses and justifications for its abhorrent behavior. Childhood trauma and fear of abandonment are a common concoction by the intellect to explain-away its actions. But as I’ve explained in The Fractal Order, first comes biology and then the intellect follows.
Borderline personality types do not want to change. If they claim to, it is only to gain sympathy and tolerance from their victims. The fact is, that borderlines are stubbornly independent, narcissistic and believe themselves to be in the “right” at all times. When behaving abhorrently, their intellect will always insist that their behaviors are justified and necessary in order to maintain their own survival. For a borderline, every person is a threat and is trying to use them for their own advantage. Strangely, however, a borderline will approach these people with an absolute desire to please them, while inwardly telling themselves the person they are serving is a monster. In that sense, the borderline is perpetually putting on the mask of a people-pleaser, in order to justify abandoning anyone should those around them do anything that displeases them; and able to do so without a single thought of remorse.
Fundamentally, the intellect is always telling the borderline that others “will use you and then abandon you, like everyone else” The projection couldn’t be more sinister and like all egocentric prophecies it is inevitable for them to become self-fulfilled.
Again, this mental state was borne from evolutionary pressures and to some extent is present in all of us, but is amplified to an extreme in the mind of the borderline.
Borderlines are very intelligent but they enjoy coming across as naive and ignorant. They seek that others think little of them, so that they have the advantage or upper hand when the opportunity arises. But of course this leads to them being taken advantage of which only serves to confirm their beliefs about others as victimizers and themselves as victims. Being a victim, is emotional mana for a borderline. It confirms all their thoughts and feelings about the world and fuels the narcissist within them that believes she is always right.
Good and decent therapists have no desire to work with a borderline because they know their efforts will be folly. But there is a solution that i hope to come to in future chapters.