Vanity is a noble attribute as it stems from our desire to be of value to others. But if we aren’t able (or too lazy) to find a way in which we are valuable to others, vanity will rest it’s place on our body and face. As we age, then, and find it more and more difficult to make this part of us valuable we will descend gradually into a nihilistic and easily corruptible state and a life of crime or self annihilation. Therefore it is important to find self worth in things that don’t fade. Only then will you be truly satisfied with yourself.
Only those who truly care about you will let you speak your mind freely with them. Those who don’t, are not friends, even if they are members of your own family. And therefore even these are not family, either. In both cases these individuals are merely companions or compatriots or coworkers and co-collaborators.
What you are witnessing in such instances is the conditioned behavior among these individuals to preserve the integrity of the group over the individual. But this is wisdom that has largely been perverted because one cannot care for a forest without caring to some extent for the individual creatures within it.
What is actually at work is the biological tendency to preserve sameness and shun the “other.” There are, after all, forests that have been so successful in breeding one kind of tree that all other species of plant and shrub have been rendered extinct. Tribalism and group survival is all that is at work, nothing more and nothing less.
So you see, you must make a choice about the game you want to play. Be a collectivist and remain silent about what makes you an inconvenience to those that wish to shun those different to them. Or be an individualist and speak freely about what makes you different, even if it rubs against social norms. The choice is yours.
Because we desire to see and attribute meaning to things, we too desire to make ourselves meaningful. This is the fundamental frustration of being human.
There are two attitudes one can have toward life: Life either happens to you, or you happen to life.
Abusive people always want to silence those they abuse. So if you’re trying to figure out who is the abuser and who is the abused, find out first which one has been silenced.
If you are trying to determine whether or not you were abused as a child ask yourself “did I have a say” and you will find your answer. Those who are abused, however lightly will find themselves growing up silently and feeling little to no permission to speak up and share their thoughts or ideas. If the opposite is true and you were allowed to share anything no matter how insignificant, then you were raised in the opposite state of abuse allowing you to grow up amused, perplexed and blissfully confused by all the wonders of life. May you never stop having questions.