The answer to all things is this: All of creation is striving to replace something that has been taken away from it. Nothingness brought isness for it simply could not bare its desolation. Likewise, the isness of a human baby felt the loss of its mother’s womb and sought to restore safety and shelter in the arms of its parents. All of your unconscious impulses and compulsions are Continue reading “Missing”
We are all like pristine mirrors when we are born. If you look upon us, you see yourself. If you smile, we smile. If you frown, we frown. We are your mirror.
Then, as we grow (in a healthy environment) we amass beautiful memories that decorate and cover up our mirror. This collection of memories becomes our identity and to some extent our personality.
Once this happens we can no longer reflect you, nor can you, reflect us. So in time, we sense that something is missing. That there is part of us we don’t know… or that we’ve forgotten. So we start to peel away our accouterments and accumulations. And if we are fortunate, we manage to finally restore the pristine mirror that we once were. This is called enlightenment.
Those whom have experienced severe childhood trauma, Continue reading “The Paradigm of the Mirror – A model for self discovery”
If someone breaks something of yours, be it intentional or accidental, any ethically minded individual will immediately extend his or her apologies and offer to repair the damage or attempt to replace the item or its value at their own expense.
If however, the individual only says they are sorry and then Continue reading “The Nature of Forgiveness and Restitution”
Severe fear of abandonment as seen in those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is characterized by developing resentment and anger toward anyone whom the BPD individual forms a bond with. This is because their traumas have wired them to see anyone whom they bond with as being inevitably the one that will betray them. And yet sadly, it is the way in which this attitude will lead them to behave that will inevitably cause them to fulfill their own predictions.
First it’s the body and then it’s the intellect. This being the case, many of your thoughts are merely there to explain a condition true to your body only and not the mind or even the past.
Borderline disorder refers to those showing signs of being on the edge of psychosis. As such they will at times behave perfectly normal, but at others exhibit completely abhorrent, self destructive and perversely paranoid behaviors. Every patient is different. For instance, some may fall into psychotic episodes once a year, while others may do so once a week. The triggers may vary but a common thread seems to be childhood trauma that has also become a core part of the patient’s identity. It is important to note, that the psychotic episodes are reserved only for someone in their inner circle and nobody else. Therefore, if someone, such as a mail person, were to knock on the door amidst a psychotic episode, the patient would be able to immediately regain their composure so as to give no indication to the outside world that there is anything wrong with them. For this reason, therapy is of no use to someone suffering from this condition.
Given the patient’s paranoic ability to imagine things, it’s also quite possible Continue reading “Borderline”
Just like there are those born with impairments or deformities of the body, the same can also be true of the brain and even the mind. For instance, those that suffer from borderline, bipolar, schizophrenia, clinical narcissism (and other redundantly labeled groupings of symptoms), all suffer from occasional or persistent cognitive impairment tied to their mental faculty of judgement. This means they are unable to discern right from wrong, is from isn’t, or good from bad. This is why individuals such as these, when left to their own devices, will end up leading very self-destructive lives, because destruction is the natural order of things, just like falling down (and not up) is the nature of gravity. It is only out of healthy cognition and the ability to discern and judge clearly, that emerges cultural, moral and structural order. It is only out of a healthy body, that one can stand, walk and run. Even in animals, healthy cognition is needed to promote physical and reproductive health. But these individuals, lack even that level of discernment. Those that suffer from the inability to discern and judge, will ultimately prefer to slumber and vanish into darkness. The only hope they have is if they develop the ability to surrender and humble themselves before a loving care taker, should they have the good fortune to find such a one and sufficient cognition to enable themselves to do so.
Any relationship that is bound to become toxic or has already become so, is one where there is an unspoken or spoken power imbalance (or struggle). This is often characterized by one or both members seeing themselves as someone whom is being inflicted upon, taken advantage of or one deliberately trying to capitalize and extract something from the other. For instance, a provider may toil and struggle to make a living for his or her family and feel taken advantage of by a wife or partner that is not playing their part. And by “their part” we could be referring to them either toiling and working equally hard to provide resource for the family or even being an effective and hard working home-maker. Or imagine a home-maker that feels entitled to deriving benefit from their provider yet doing as little as possible around the house in order to extract as much benefit with as little output on their part. These are often referred to as energy vampires. In both these instances we see a power struggle at hand. I’m warning you… such a relationship is bound to dissolve and you best not involve yourself with such a person. It’s a waste of your time and energy. Here’s why:
If you read my post the secret to a long lasting marriage you’ll see me dive deeper into this topic so I won’t reiterate those points. What this post is attempting to contribute is an insight into emotional bargaining. It’s a form of manipulation used by those vampires among you that render your contributions invalid. A method, if you will, by which a member of such a partnership (be it in marriage or otherwise) can fool their partner into seeing them as the victim even though they clearly are, themselves, the oppressor. For instance, if one partner is working hard while the other is slacking and simply being a deadbeat leech and sponge, the leech could look at the provider/host and state: “Hey, so you know those things you work so hard to provide me? Well, they don’t really matter to me. I’d gladly live without them.” What this does, is it puts in the provider, the idea that all their hard work is meaningless and therefore, attempts to convince them that even though they are providing far more than their share, that they are still not providing them nearly enough (for the vampire). When your partner starts making statements like these, you know you are in the presence of a master vampire. Most vampires just extract resource from a host, but a master vampire is one that knows how to convince the host that what they are providing is of no real value and therefore artificially convinces them that there is no real imbalance at hand.
Run away from such people. They view people like a car views a pit stop. You’ll just be a “fix” for an addict and only serve to enable their condition. Run! For your sake and theirs.