Any relationship that is bound to become toxic or has already become so, is one where there is an unspoken or spoken power imbalance (or struggle). This is often characterized by one or both members seeing themselves as someone whom is being inflicted upon, taken advantage of or one deliberately trying to capitalize and extract something from the other. For instance, a provider may toil and struggle to make a living for his or her family and feel taken advantage of by a wife or partner that is not playing their part. And by “their part” we could be referring to them either toiling and working equally hard to provide resource for the family or even being an effective and hard working home-maker. Or imagine a home-maker that feels entitled to deriving benefit from their provider yet doing as little as possible around the house in order to extract as much benefit with as little output on their part. These are often referred to as energy vampires. In both these instances we see a power struggle at hand. I’m warning you… such a relationship is bound to dissolve and you best not involve yourself with such a person. It’s a waste of your time and energy. Here’s why:
If you read my post the secret to a long lasting marriage you’ll see me dive deeper into this topic so I won’t reiterate those points. What this post is attempting to contribute is an insight into emotional bargaining. It’s a form of manipulation used by those vampires among you that render your contributions invalid. A method, if you will, by which a member of such a partnership (be it in marriage or otherwise) can fool their partner into seeing them as the victim even though they clearly are, themselves, the oppressor. For instance, if one partner is working hard while the other is slacking and simply being a deadbeat leech and sponge, the leech could look at the provider/host and state: “Hey, so you know those things you work so hard to provide me? Well, they don’t really matter to me. I’d gladly live without them.” What this does, is it puts in the provider, the idea that all their hard work is meaningless and therefore, attempts to convince them that even though they are providing far more than their share, that they are still not providing them nearly enough (for the vampire). When your partner starts making statements like these, you know you are in the presence of a master vampire. Most vampires just extract resource from a host, but a master vampire is one that knows how to convince the host that what they are providing is of no real value and therefore artificially convinces them that there is no real imbalance at hand.
Run away from such people. They view people like a car views a pit stop. You’ll just be a “fix” for an addict and only serve to enable their condition. Run! For your sake and theirs.